By Hannah Frishberg. June 4, pm Updated June 5, am. Yet, thanks in part to an increased interest in health and wellness, more and more people are drinking less, with the International Wine and Spirits Record reporting that alcohol consumption is down across America for three years straight. But how do you break the ice without a drink — and where can you do it when the usual dating spot is a bar? The Upper East Sider has been sober since he was 19, when he sought treatment for alcohol addiction. He says he often takes first dates out for ice cream at UES. One of his longtime favorite places to meet first dates is Nobu Downtown — in part because of the half-dozen nonalcoholic drinks on its mocktail menu. Since socializing so often involves drinking, Malia Griggs, the social-media director of the Daily Beast, finds it hard to go out. These days, the year-old will have an occasional cocktail, but she says that sobriety has definitely affected the way she socializes.
How to date while sober
For some of you, this day sabbatical will simply be a break, while for others, like me, it will be the start of an alcohol-free life I started with Sober Spring in and two years later I am still going strong. While everything in my life has been touched by my sobriety, the thing it has shifted most is my love life. Not once, but twice.
Every relationship demands compromises: You might be a clean freak while your partner’s a slob, or you might like horror films while your partner prefers comedies. But when the compromise is more trying—like when you’re sober, and your partner isn’t—the differences can threaten to destroy your relationship. A Norwegian Institute of Public Health study of almost 20, married Norwegians showed the highest rate of divorce— Married couples who consumed a moderate amount of alcohol together were far less likely to divorce than couples where one was a heavy drinker and the other was not.
So is it possible to stay together when one person is sober and the other person continues to get fucked up? And if so, what are the biggest hurdles to overcome? We spoke to two couples who had to confront that question. Neither are married, but they’re both in long-term, stable relationships. We’ve changed their names to protect their privacy.
Chris: We got together about a year ago, and I was sober. I’ll be four years sober in July. When we got together, she was still in party mode and was newly single and was drinking a lot. I thought it was just going to be a casual thing—I was just like, “Oh, she’s wild.
The Truth About Dating Someone Who’s Sober When You’re Not
Dating and alcohol go hand-in-hand for many people who are on the lookout for a partner. But what is dating like for singles who are in recovery for alcohol use disorder? Here are the facts. I am an alcoholic; the kind who required chemical detoxes and rehab. I burnt my life completely to the ground, after a lot of hard work I am now in recovery and I am in Alcoholics Anonymous.
What a catch right?
Dating a dude that’s sober like, full-blown, step kind can be a challenge. But even if you can’t live without your happy hours, it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker, according to a guy who has sworn off booze. Ron, 32, has been sober for 17 months. But it’s not easy being the soda drinker in a party of two. He admits while women seem on board with dating someone who doesn’t drink, they don’t always know what they are getting themselves into.
But he also confesses that he’s not okay with dating a big drinker. According to Ron, the longer you’re sober, the less weird you feel about not drinking when everyone else is. First, “remember that we are always sober,” he says. So if you’ve knocked back a bunch with your girls and then visit your sober guy, he’s going to remember all the crazy, wacked-out stuff you say. And even if it’s super cute obvi , he’s probably not going to be into it.
Plus, Ron admits that being around booze makes sober guys pretty uncomfortable. That said, sometimes he just has to deal.
The Difficulties of Dating Someone Who Isn’t Sober (When You Are)
Alcohol and I have a complicated relationship. When I wrote about my struggles with alcohol in , it was a turning point for me. I was putting it all out there, admitting to something I had long ignored, and I could see clearly what alcohol had done to me. It was alcohol that stood in the way of my being as far in my career as I wanted to be. It was alcohol on which some of my relationships relied, and it was alcohol that resulted in the demise of others.
Loosid, a new sober dating app, offers those who don’t drink the chance to look for love without the influence of liquor.
Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. For many folks, getting to know someone over a few beers is a normal part of dating. She stopped using apps a few months ago, and now meets dates organically. Then, there are other people where that would really not be healthy for them. Instead, she prefers cultural dates, like going to an art gallery or exploring a neighbourhood. You need to have interaction.
Otherwise, it turns into a bit of a job interview. What it takes for relationships to last. Not only are sober dates better for forming opinions, abstaining from alcohol is better for your body, too.
Dating Without Drinking Is Lonely, Awkward, and Sometimes Infuriating
After all, the standard ask-out line on dating apps is “want to grab a drink?” Leveraging Technology. A new wave of sober social apps, Sober Grid.
Sober dating is hard enough without being infantilised with a sorry selection of soft drinks, as our recent Sober Diaries series shows. In no particular order, these great spots for sober dating are guaranteed to stock an adult-oriented non-alcoholic drink that puts sugary soft drink nonsense to shame. Spread the word!
And if there are any other great sober dating venues that cater to the non-drinker beyond your standard sugary soft drinks , let us know. A decent list of sober dating night spots needs to start with a decent set of cinemas. Get stuck in! Insist that they pour it into a nice wine glass, no ice, and enjoy those exquisite flavours.
Up to you, of course….
We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up, but I figured she was just being friendly. Wedged into the booth side of a comically undersized table, I listened as Kate spoke and our conversation flowed easily. Still, when the coffee shop closed Kate suggested we get a drink. First Kate looked confused, then disappointed.
I’m fine with my decision to stay sober, but most of the guys I meet seem to think that avoiding alcohol is a dating deal-breaker.
Subscriber Account active since. I’m a 30 year-old-man and ever since leaving college, I’ve been sober so, for nearly a decade. In that time, I’ve found it difficult to meet women to date. The women I work with are all married, most with kids, so a workplace social group is almost out of the question. Years of swiping on apps have led nowhere since many women from apps have been turned off by my refusal to drink. And sadly, I am unable to play team sports due to a serious injury from childhood.
Any advice? I dread the thought of being the creepy guy who approaches random women in public, and asking coworkers or friends to set me up just feels too desperate. A date can be nerve-wracking enough with a few drinks involved, so I understand how frustrating it must be to have a personal choice be used against you when meeting someone new. Your conundrum brings up a pretty interesting point about how many people view alcohol as a necessity in social settings.
That common view, while not adopted by everyone, could explain why it’s been so hard for you to date. That doesn’t mean it’s OK for women to write you off because of your sobriety, but understanding that drinking and socializing go hand-in-hand for many may help you be a bit easier on yourself when the dating game gets rough. Kelly Scott, a therapist at Manhattan-based Tribeca Therapy, told me that women who view your decision to not drink as an immediate turn-off, rather than a point to consider or ask you more about, are likely not worth your time.
And honestly, do you really want to date someone who is unwilling to accept a personal choice that no doubt benefits your health and well-being?
How To Meet Someone This Weekend If You Don’t Drink
As with any and all relationships, good communication is absolutely vital. Your love life can get even more complicated after getting sober — and more complicated still if you start dating someone who still drinks. Yes, if you want to. You are an adult and can make your own decisions. While some people may not think twice about having a relationship with someone who still drinks, the mere idea may sound impossible to someone else. Others may do it, but only if they meet the right person.
If you enjoy the occasional alcoholic drink but aren’t an alcoholic yourself, can you date someone who is stone-cold sober? The answer, in short, depends on.
This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. There is something undeniably romantic about a bar: dim lighting, intimate seating encouraging you to get close and a glass of liquid courage helping your pre-date jitters melt away. Of course, alcohol and dating are longtime lovers. As an anxious person, being sober—and being in control of my body—brings me comfort.
I thought university was the toughest time to avoid alcohol, with the peer pressure and the constant partying, but entering the online dating world has brought an even bigger challenge: finding a partner who respects my sobriety. In a recent survey by the dating app Bumble Canada, which is used by four million Canadians, 67 per cent of users said they would be interested in sober dating.
Your drinking status is right there in your profile: On Bumble, 75 per cent identify as social drinkers, 3. No doubt, drinkers are swiping left on us non-drinkers, too.
I’m Not 100% Sober, But I Will Only Seriously Date People Who Are
For many people, getting sober is a complex process due to outside stressors and influences. One of the biggest influences — and sometimes stressors — for someone wanting to get sober is the fact that they have a partner or spouse that continues to use alcohol. As the spouse wanting to get or stay sober, having a partner that still drinks can lead to temptation, resentment and sometimes relapse. So how do you deal with these stressors while preserving the relationship?
It was a refreshing break from my last few first dates, all of which took place in the shadowy glow of dive bars around town. On those dates, the routine was to immediately order drinks and watch the night descend into a blur. I immediately felt my stomach sink a little bit. I very much enjoy a brunch-time mimosa especially those bottomless babies and a few gin and tonics on the weekends.
Drinking, while not integral to my life, is a social and recreational activity I do partake in once a week or so. I like tasting new beers and cocktails. I certainly understood why a sober lifestyle worked well for him, but I wondered if it would work for us. That night, Adam and I chatted over some green tea.
The tea, unlike a vodka soda, made me feel healthy and unworried about a hangover. So I thought, W hy not? From going vintage shopping to hiking to singing karaoke, Adam and I rarely get bored. And when I want to drink around him, I do. I am, however, cognizant about my drinking around him.